Work, Dreams, Hockey Player, Apprehension, And Unofficial May 12, 2008

1. I have been MIA… sorry. The thing is, I probably just worked a 70 hour week… AT A RESTAURANT. Most of those hours came between Wednesday and yesterday, though. So, I have not had a chance to write. I will try and be better at that in the future.

 

2. Sometimes I have strange dreams. Ofttimes I can remember them. Last night I had a weird lesbian dream. I have no idea where that came from. THEN I had a dream about Hockey Player.

 

3. Now that I think of it, I have not written about Hockey Player. Let’s just say that he and I had a “thing” for a while in college and during Athletic Trainer and I’s first year. HP is a year or 2 younger than me and gorgeous. He’s a pretty nice kid too. Anyway, there was a massive blowout when he found out about AT and I. This was due in part to the fact that AT had worked on HP many times. HP KNOWS AT. He was ridiculously upset and caused a riff between AT and I for some time too. So… HP has been in my head lately. He got engaged in January (maybe December?) to the girl he had been dating on and off in college (he and I = during off times). I hardly ever think about him but I have been a LOT in the last couple of weeks. During the dream, he and his now fiancee were at my restaurant, and I had to walk past them like a million times. I was trying to ignore them (they were not my table) and not make eye contact. HP’s fiancee at one point called me over and basically just made a fool of me. I could not make a scene so I just walked away. I felt embarrassed, humiliated and jealous as all get out. I did not enjoy this dream. HP looked sexy as ever though… semi-pro hockey must be doing that boy some good.

 

3. Speaking of HP and his fiancee, having moved to Boston, I am now concerned that I will run into them or any one of the other people from college with whom I do not have a good relationship. There are quite a few people who I don’t like and vice versa from that era in my life. Most live around Boston. I can only imagine a night out drunk and bumping into someone at a bar. Ugh. Why this matters? Not sure. I get that same feeling when Unofficial and I go out and we’re in an area AT might be. I cannot even begin to fathom the awkwardness of that. I hope it never happens. I am not sure how I would react either. In fact, the thought of this chance encounter makes me ill.

 

4. After this past week of work, I’m burned out even more than I have been in the past. I took tomorrow night off for Irish Teacher’s birthday dinner. I have told Unofficial that I have tomorrow off. We only spoke for a few minutes over the last couple of days due to my crazy schedule. When we speak later I expect that he may try and make plans for either tonight or tomorrow. My response to a tomorrow night plan shall be “Oh.. I have a umm dinner… ” and if he asks with who “A… friend…” There will be not other details given to him. I know, shady… but that’s what he gets. Haha. He’s still seeing someone else (not as regularly or frequently as me and they definitely have not had “the talk” so it seems to be more casual than he and I) so let’s see how he feels about the possibility of me dating others.

 

5. Funny, though, because I took Friday night off as well. Friday’s have not been good at the restaurant so I felt pretty OK giving that shift to someone else. Unofficial is aware of my night off and I am pretty sure we’re going to make it a date night. We haven’t had a regular weekend night to go out in a long time. I think it will be fun!

 

Marathon Monday Eve… April 20, 2008

1. Today we signed the lease! Wahoo! I feel a lot more comfortable having it all settled. AND the landlord was there with her “handy-man” (who, I believe, is very “handy” for her in other ways as well, from the sense of things…). We went through the entire apartment and spoke about the things that need to be done in the next week. They both say it will all get done in time! Yay!! I brought over more stuff as well. SLOWLY the Plymouth apartment is starting to empty out. I’m feeling pretty good about this move…

 

2. Marathon Monday is tomorrow!!! This is a great day in the city of Boston and I get to be there for the first time ever!! The plan is to meet up with Fake Big Sis on our street and then to go to a place called Vox Populi. Apparently it is on Boylston Street where the finish line is! So cool!! Well, it better be… I mean, it was $40/ticket for the cover charge… We are planning on being there at 10:30 a.m. I have no idea what it’s going to be like but I’m super excited!!

 

3. Unofficial and I have tentative plans for tomorrow night. He better come through. I’m missing his cute face and snuggly-ness.

Story Time and Some Other Nonsense April 9, 2008

1. I never realized, until it was brought to my attention last night, that I tend to only write about the current events in my life. While speaking with a friend who reads this, I told a few stories which I had not shared on here. After each story the response was: “THAT’S something you should blog about.” So, with that encouragement…

 

 

2. My “dating” record is not quite the best. I’ve made some really… erhm… funny…choices. I am in no way shy or subordinate and I tend to be a tad aggressive when there’s someone I want. These are the reasons my friends have been, to say the least, shocked by my slightly different approach with Unofficial. This was not, of course, the approach used to get Athletic Trainer.

 

AT worked at the good ‘ole State U for many years prior to my attendance. When I arrived, he was in the midst of an on -again-off-again relationship that in total lasted a decade. I knew of him but never paid much attention, until my last year. Somehow the timing worked because it was soon after that relationship of his ended that things began for us. For some reason I was intrigued by him. We had a mutual friend who would come to games and both of us would chat with him. I was a student worker for the marketing department and was at every single game to implement the promotions. There was always a lot of off time, though, so I could chat away.

 

I tried to play semi-coy but that lasted like a week. AT and I started chatting even more at games and even after. I mentioned something about a shoulder problem I was having and how I was going to start physical therapy basically for massages to work out all the knots that were screwing things up. He said I should get in touch with him and he’d take a look if I wanted. So… I am pretty positive I emailed him first, at his work email. It was very neutral and nothing scandalous, but then we began emailing back and forth. I almost immediately asked him for another email address, I did not want things to get out of control and have him get in trouble. I went into his training room one day and he worked on me a bit, it was definitely funny.

 

Soon after that, I went to dinner with him and a couple other people from the department after a game. It was all very innocent, but with that ridiculous sexual tension that pops up when you both know you want it not to be innocent. There were moments where he and I were just joking with each other and being silly, and the other 2 people (guys) we were with HAD to have known. The boys spoke of going to a particular bar that night soon after dinner…

 

My friend and I decided to go to that same bar, how weird!?! I mean, it was sooo strange! HAHA. It was a good night, a bunch of people were out and everyone was having fun. I was SO nervous. I knew that something was going to happen and I could not believe how nervous I was. In fact, I believe that I got ill. I had only drank 1 or 2 cocktails, so it was definitely not the alcohol. I remember him getting text messages from his ex whom he said was watching Sex and The City and thought he was her “Big.” For a while I would call her “Carrie Bradshaw” because I didn’t know her name or want to … haha.

 

The person I had gone to the bar with had long since left. In fact, my car was at her house. AT got an invite from one of the football guys to an after-hours. So… we went. He had me drive his BMW there and we did not stay too long. It was noticed that we went and left together, though. When we left, I was driving again. I did not know the area very well and asked which way I should go. His response: “If you take a left, you get to your car. If you take a right, you get to my condo.”

 

I took a right. And so it began…

 

 

3. I am very tired today. I think yesterday had more of a draining effect than I initially expected. Work was rough and I am feeling lonely. It may just be a bad week for me but I’m missing Unofficial a lot and I am feeling slightly pessimistic about the current state of “us.” I know we are fine but I want more from him… more effort or something. It’s been almost 2 weeks since I last saw him and we have yet to make plans for our next date. Now I have to put myself on a leash and not call, not text etc. I didn’t make any such efforts today. Who knows if he noticed… I think I’m just exhausted and being moody.

 

 

4. On a bright note… I believe that Work Crush is working both Friday and Saturday night this weekend! *Le Sigh*

Lazy Sunday, Hide-and-Seek and Look-A-Likes March 31, 2008

1. I am finding this new way of blogging to be very helpful for me. Thanks, Random!

 

2. Today, I sat around and did, literally, nothing. Well, maybe not nothing. I did go and get a sandwich and newspaper. I then came back and sat on my couch all afternoon watching movies. I managed to get through the newspaper and I checked Craig’s List like 30 times for apartment listings. I’ve become compulsive about it. Other than that, I did not do a single productive thing. I love Sunday’s!

 

3. Speaking of Craig’s List… I posted a housing wanted ad this evening. Maybe I’ll get some good responses. Who knows… can’t hurt, right? The countdown is really on now for when I need to be out.

 

4. I bought a new lip gloss the other day and have not seen it since I brought it home. I had it sitting on the couch and Simon began playing with it… batting it around on the floor and such. He has hid it from me. The one good thing about moving… I should find all of the things this cat has deemed necessary to hide from me.

 

5. One of the random online things I do is check The Knot. Today I typed in one of my best friend’s name because she has recently become engaged. I did not really think she would have a page yet, as it’s been just a week. Well, she was there… and her wedding date on the page? SEPTEMBER 9, 2008!!! WHAT!? Obviously, I called her immediately to see what the deal is. I guess they are really thinking of doing it that quickly… crazy!!

 

6. Lately, I’ve been getting the “you look like this girl….” from almost every table or group of people I meet. Apparently, I have a very “familiar” look. It is interesting to me. I used to get that I look like these women:

 

MySpace Layouts Sandra Bullock

 

Bridget Moynahan

 

And very rarely…

 

Julia

Jealousy, Roommate finder?, Dreams and Disliking Unofficial March 30, 2008

1. As I mentioned yesterday, I am so excited for Care Bear to have received the offer she did for a new attorney position in Philly. I think, though, that it has had a bad affect on me at work this evening. The last week or so at work have, well, sucked. The money is not like it usually is. Fun Manager said tonight that it could be the way I am at tables… I tried to explain that my tips are still the same… I’m just not getting the tables… I mean I’m making 20% on the tables and selling a good deal but I get shit for tables. Anyway… tonight… I walked (after tipping out the bar, the food runners and the bussers) with less than $200. This should not be happening!!! And, with CB getting the offer she did, it makes me very jealous. Not in a bad way, of course, as I can really truly only be happy for her. However, I hate that I’m basically working my ass off for shit. I want her offer and her job right now. Too bad I need to pass the bar and/or move to Philly for that to happen. UGH!

 

2. Athletic Trainer may have found someone for me to live with? Possibly? He texted me numerous questions (all of which I was sure I had previously answered… but whatever…) and ended the texting with knowing of someone who is looking for a place. The kicker… it’s a dude. Do I worry about living with a guy? Eh… I mean, if he’s neat, not gross and not weird, I should be fine. Although I did send this text: “It would also have to be a dude who didn’t want me…haha.” AT replied: “Well… not wanting you… that might be tough…” He definitely has his charming moments…

 

3. I keep having kind of strange dreams… the kind where you wake up and you think “Huh?!” I will be putting a legal pad and pen by my bed to write the details down. I think it could be important.

 

4. I do not like Unofficial today… why? Because I’m not getting anything I want today. Tomorrow and Monday are my nights off (as per usual) and he has yet to try and make plans with me… this isthe first time since the beginning that he hasn’t at least TRIED to make plans… And… I think I’m starting to miss him… We aren’t talking as much either, so that’s making me miss him I think… I’m not sure if this is a good sign or a pathetic sign…

More Random Thoughts… March 29, 2008

1. My best friend from law school, let’s call her Care Bear, got an offer from a firm in Philly today. She had the interview last night. My pretend law school boyfriend, Meat Head, suggested her for the position. The offer was about 3 times what she’s making now and I could not be happier for her! I’m just so proud!! The best thing about this: She moves to Philly and I take a trip every other month to visit!! The flights from Providence (quick drive from me) to Philly are RIDICULOUSLY cheap!!! YAY!!

 

2. Unofficial (maybe no he doesn’t need a new name, right?) texted me tonight. It went something like this “Just a friendly hello. You are probably at work. I hope you are well and the drive home the other night wasn’t too hard. I’m sorry about how things turned out.” I, of course, read this to mean: Things are over. So I sent him one back: “It was fine. Your message makes it sound like we completely ended things. I was under the impression we hadn’t.” Him: “We have not.” And then some other texts back and forth. It was nice to hear from him and to have him confirm that things aren’t over. I was worried that he would decide to back off even more than we had discussed because he felt guilty about hurting me. I kind of miss him already. We usually have plans for my nights off by this time in the week… it’s weird not having those set…

 

3. At work a week or so ago I won a contest. I almost always win the contests at work. You may be asking yourself, what kind of contests do servers have? Well, we have lots. Usually they are selling contests… sell the most –blank– and win –blank–. I am very good at these types of contests. The prizes are either a bottle of booze or food. Before the new year I won a fillet dinner. *YUM* About 3 months ago I won a bottle of Absolut 100. I have yet to open it. HAHA. Last weekend I won a bottle of Smirnoff White Grape. Tonight, I learned to make a White Grape Cosmo! Fantastic!!

 

4. I am starting to wonder how long this no sex thing is going to last for me. It’s been since Saturday… and I’m struggling. I think I may be part man when it comes to my sexual appetite… Maybe I’ll at least make out with Work Crush tomorrow night… haha. Ok, doubtful… but I like to keep the hope alive…

 

5. It rained lightly tonight, or must have because the ground was wet when I left work, and it smelled like spring… I LOVE the smell of spring rain!!!

Wickity Wickity Whack… March 19, 2008

1. I’m using numbered paragraphs a la Random … deal with it.

 

2. I like living alone. The housing search has gotten easy and yet more complicated. I met a girl about a roommate situation and she was super cool, we hung out a lot. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I can deal with a roommate… not matter how cool. I’m so used to living alone… this may be my downfall in finding a place (not that I have a choice given my lease terms).

 

3. While I do not believe in dating people I work with, I DO have a work crush. I’d call him my work boyfriend, but we may not be there yet. haha. I’ve had said work crush for a while now, but it seems as though it’s more mutual as of late. I’m a good girl and would NEVER act on anything because 1) Unofficial boyfriend may soon become Official… and I like that; and 2) Work crush has a girlfriend. It does make going to work more fun, however. Plus, who else will go out with me for a drink the night before my b-day this weekend? Obviously work crush will!

 

4. I’m getting excited for my bar results. Not only will I be an attorney, but I have learned today that I will still be able to supplement whatever attorney position income I get with my waitressing. Usually, at my restaurant, you must work a certain number of shifts a week. It’s mandatory at this place. Recently, however, one of our managers has decided to hire strictly “function” servers. These would be people to work whatever functions are scheduled and nothing more. FANTASTIC. As long as that Manager says it’s OK, I will be able to be an attorney working however many hours AND once a week or so pick up a shift and get a few hundred extra! Wahoo!

 

5. My birthday is Saturday. Unofficial is taking me to the Top of the Hub. I have never been there. I’m excited and will be wearing a red dress. Yes. Red. Dress. Love it!

 

6. Friends who live in and around Boston are coming out of the wood work. People are finding out that I’m moving there and are psyched. I, personally, cannot wait either.

Protected: Best Friend… New Love? November 29, 2007

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Seriously!? November 8, 2007

So last night I went on and babbled about how disappointed I am with some of my friends… After writing, I wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable. I went to bed, had some super strange dreams, and then awoke to this text message from A “I passed NJ bar!!”

 

SERIOUSLY!?

 

You can’t make time to call me about the fact that I did NOT pass any bar exam…. and now you’re texting me to declare your passing of a 2nd bar exam?!?!?!?!!??! I am sooooo aggravated at the moment. This is supposed to be one of my closest friends… She’s “supposedly” (from what others say) moving in with her boyfriend and she hasn’t even told me about it. I understand her work schedule is crazy, but send an email or something. WTF!?

 

I called K to see what she thought about it all. Now, K and A do NOT get along and K never understood my loyalty to A. So, maybe she wasn’t the best person to talk to about this… but she would tell me if I was being unreasonable or not, regardless of the person. She doesn’t think I am. I told her all about our other friends not contacting me… and she thinks it’s shitty too.

 

Who are these people that I call friends? I’m really just kind of disappointed in a lot of them. It makes me worry about what is to come. I mean, we’ve all moved away from each other but we used to be super tight. We’ve declared that we’ll maintain that closeness, but it’s only been like 7 months and it’s looking like that’s not going to happen… this makes me sad. I know that people are brought into your life for certain reasons and sometimes for just a small period of time. Those that are meant to be in your life will be and will make the effort. It’s hard to realize that your friendship may not be as important to others as it is to you.

 

Am I being unreasonable? How would you react?

All worked out November 8, 2007

I, amazingly, have been to the gym twice this week. I hadn’t been for like 2 months. I feel proud… haha. In fact, it’s slightly surprising how good I feel after working out. Aren’t you supposed to be sore? Me, not so much. I think I must keep that feeling in mind when debating whether to go to the gym or to sit on my ass and watch tv.

 

Lately working has been quite annoying. It’s hard to be a “lowly” waitress while you have the education and degree of a lawyer (just no damn license… stupid bar exam!… still bitter). People speak to you in a different manner and question you. However, never was I ever questioned so much or spoken to in such a manner when under the “law student” guise. I can be incredibly judgmental, so it’s probably wrong (hypocritical) of me to to get upset about this but whatever, I am a tad mad.

 

Even some of my managers have been getting me annoyed because of their ridiculous comments. I work in this amaazingly beautiful 200+ year old colonial (old captain’s) house. It’s supposedly haunted. Anyhow, we have a great double sided fireplace in the middle of one of our tavern areas. Today, I lit a fire in it during lunch. It was barely 50 degrees out and it seemed like a fantastic idea. I had already spoken with one of my managers about it, it was really her idea I think. Well, our “operational manager” (whatever that means) comes down and sees the fire. He asks who lit it … it was obviously me because I tend to take charge of the fireplace since I’m so good at it. And then, he’s like “Who was asked?” ummm… I spoke w/ M already. Honestly… whatever.

 

I know I sound like a little brat but I think I am just getting sick of this industry.

 

Something else has been bothering me as of late. When I found out about my poor performance on the bar exam, I emailed all of my girlfriends from law school to fill them in. I wanted to get it out of the way and make it so that they didn’t feel awkward contacting me. I’m heard from K, B and R. A is supposed to be one of my best friends and she has made no time to talk to me. I know she’s busy but come on. KB has not contacted me. P has not contacted me and neither has N or AA. I’m so beyond bullshit about this. Same thing for my friend J. I sent him a text with the news and I’ve heard nothing.

 

Am I being stupid? Shouldn’t they have tried to reach out? Is it unreasonable for me to be so upset? What would you do in these circumstances? Is there anyone out there? hahahhaa…