Athletic Trainer, Birthday Dinner, and Celtics Envy May 14, 2008

1. Athletic Trainer and I have been fighting all night. Our fight has been through text, as all mature adult arguments should be. What are we fighting about? Him meeting with his other ex who has basically been one of the biggest problems between he and I. He perpetually puts her first. Tonight we were discussing getting together and instead he met up with her. It is a good reminder as to why we don’t work.

 

2. Last night’s dinner for Irish Teacher’s birthday was OK. The restaurant was not fantastic, although I had previously heard otherwise. My steak was overcooked. When they brought me a new one, it looked like a salsbury steak you would get in a microwave meal. Not appealing.

 

3. In addition to a bad steak, I realized how much I hate going to dinner with groups of people who are NOT restaurant people. They are all cheap. My meal was taken off the check and I still put in almost $80. I had a martini and a glass of wine, tuna tartar and a creme brulee. Seriously!?

 

4. Unofficial Boyfriend is at the Celtics v Cavaliers game in Boston tonight. I told him we’re in a fight. HAHA.

 

Work, Dreams, Hockey Player, Apprehension, And Unofficial May 12, 2008

1. I have been MIA… sorry. The thing is, I probably just worked a 70 hour week… AT A RESTAURANT. Most of those hours came between Wednesday and yesterday, though. So, I have not had a chance to write. I will try and be better at that in the future.

 

2. Sometimes I have strange dreams. Ofttimes I can remember them. Last night I had a weird lesbian dream. I have no idea where that came from. THEN I had a dream about Hockey Player.

 

3. Now that I think of it, I have not written about Hockey Player. Let’s just say that he and I had a “thing” for a while in college and during Athletic Trainer and I’s first year. HP is a year or 2 younger than me and gorgeous. He’s a pretty nice kid too. Anyway, there was a massive blowout when he found out about AT and I. This was due in part to the fact that AT had worked on HP many times. HP KNOWS AT. He was ridiculously upset and caused a riff between AT and I for some time too. So… HP has been in my head lately. He got engaged in January (maybe December?) to the girl he had been dating on and off in college (he and I = during off times). I hardly ever think about him but I have been a LOT in the last couple of weeks. During the dream, he and his now fiancee were at my restaurant, and I had to walk past them like a million times. I was trying to ignore them (they were not my table) and not make eye contact. HP’s fiancee at one point called me over and basically just made a fool of me. I could not make a scene so I just walked away. I felt embarrassed, humiliated and jealous as all get out. I did not enjoy this dream. HP looked sexy as ever though… semi-pro hockey must be doing that boy some good.

 

3. Speaking of HP and his fiancee, having moved to Boston, I am now concerned that I will run into them or any one of the other people from college with whom I do not have a good relationship. There are quite a few people who I don’t like and vice versa from that era in my life. Most live around Boston. I can only imagine a night out drunk and bumping into someone at a bar. Ugh. Why this matters? Not sure. I get that same feeling when Unofficial and I go out and we’re in an area AT might be. I cannot even begin to fathom the awkwardness of that. I hope it never happens. I am not sure how I would react either. In fact, the thought of this chance encounter makes me ill.

 

4. After this past week of work, I’m burned out even more than I have been in the past. I took tomorrow night off for Irish Teacher’s birthday dinner. I have told Unofficial that I have tomorrow off. We only spoke for a few minutes over the last couple of days due to my crazy schedule. When we speak later I expect that he may try and make plans for either tonight or tomorrow. My response to a tomorrow night plan shall be “Oh.. I have a umm dinner… ” and if he asks with who “A… friend…” There will be not other details given to him. I know, shady… but that’s what he gets. Haha. He’s still seeing someone else (not as regularly or frequently as me and they definitely have not had “the talk” so it seems to be more casual than he and I) so let’s see how he feels about the possibility of me dating others.

 

5. Funny, though, because I took Friday night off as well. Friday’s have not been good at the restaurant so I felt pretty OK giving that shift to someone else. Unofficial is aware of my night off and I am pretty sure we’re going to make it a date night. We haven’t had a regular weekend night to go out in a long time. I think it will be fun!

 

Story Time and Some Other Nonsense April 9, 2008

1. I never realized, until it was brought to my attention last night, that I tend to only write about the current events in my life. While speaking with a friend who reads this, I told a few stories which I had not shared on here. After each story the response was: “THAT’S something you should blog about.” So, with that encouragement…

 

 

2. My “dating” record is not quite the best. I’ve made some really… erhm… funny…choices. I am in no way shy or subordinate and I tend to be a tad aggressive when there’s someone I want. These are the reasons my friends have been, to say the least, shocked by my slightly different approach with Unofficial. This was not, of course, the approach used to get Athletic Trainer.

 

AT worked at the good ‘ole State U for many years prior to my attendance. When I arrived, he was in the midst of an on -again-off-again relationship that in total lasted a decade. I knew of him but never paid much attention, until my last year. Somehow the timing worked because it was soon after that relationship of his ended that things began for us. For some reason I was intrigued by him. We had a mutual friend who would come to games and both of us would chat with him. I was a student worker for the marketing department and was at every single game to implement the promotions. There was always a lot of off time, though, so I could chat away.

 

I tried to play semi-coy but that lasted like a week. AT and I started chatting even more at games and even after. I mentioned something about a shoulder problem I was having and how I was going to start physical therapy basically for massages to work out all the knots that were screwing things up. He said I should get in touch with him and he’d take a look if I wanted. So… I am pretty positive I emailed him first, at his work email. It was very neutral and nothing scandalous, but then we began emailing back and forth. I almost immediately asked him for another email address, I did not want things to get out of control and have him get in trouble. I went into his training room one day and he worked on me a bit, it was definitely funny.

 

Soon after that, I went to dinner with him and a couple other people from the department after a game. It was all very innocent, but with that ridiculous sexual tension that pops up when you both know you want it not to be innocent. There were moments where he and I were just joking with each other and being silly, and the other 2 people (guys) we were with HAD to have known. The boys spoke of going to a particular bar that night soon after dinner…

 

My friend and I decided to go to that same bar, how weird!?! I mean, it was sooo strange! HAHA. It was a good night, a bunch of people were out and everyone was having fun. I was SO nervous. I knew that something was going to happen and I could not believe how nervous I was. In fact, I believe that I got ill. I had only drank 1 or 2 cocktails, so it was definitely not the alcohol. I remember him getting text messages from his ex whom he said was watching Sex and The City and thought he was her “Big.” For a while I would call her “Carrie Bradshaw” because I didn’t know her name or want to … haha.

 

The person I had gone to the bar with had long since left. In fact, my car was at her house. AT got an invite from one of the football guys to an after-hours. So… we went. He had me drive his BMW there and we did not stay too long. It was noticed that we went and left together, though. When we left, I was driving again. I did not know the area very well and asked which way I should go. His response: “If you take a left, you get to your car. If you take a right, you get to my condo.”

 

I took a right. And so it began…

 

 

3. I am very tired today. I think yesterday had more of a draining effect than I initially expected. Work was rough and I am feeling lonely. It may just be a bad week for me but I’m missing Unofficial a lot and I am feeling slightly pessimistic about the current state of “us.” I know we are fine but I want more from him… more effort or something. It’s been almost 2 weeks since I last saw him and we have yet to make plans for our next date. Now I have to put myself on a leash and not call, not text etc. I didn’t make any such efforts today. Who knows if he noticed… I think I’m just exhausted and being moody.

 

 

4. On a bright note… I believe that Work Crush is working both Friday and Saturday night this weekend! *Le Sigh*

Jealousy, Roommate finder?, Dreams and Disliking Unofficial March 30, 2008

1. As I mentioned yesterday, I am so excited for Care Bear to have received the offer she did for a new attorney position in Philly. I think, though, that it has had a bad affect on me at work this evening. The last week or so at work have, well, sucked. The money is not like it usually is. Fun Manager said tonight that it could be the way I am at tables… I tried to explain that my tips are still the same… I’m just not getting the tables… I mean I’m making 20% on the tables and selling a good deal but I get shit for tables. Anyway… tonight… I walked (after tipping out the bar, the food runners and the bussers) with less than $200. This should not be happening!!! And, with CB getting the offer she did, it makes me very jealous. Not in a bad way, of course, as I can really truly only be happy for her. However, I hate that I’m basically working my ass off for shit. I want her offer and her job right now. Too bad I need to pass the bar and/or move to Philly for that to happen. UGH!

 

2. Athletic Trainer may have found someone for me to live with? Possibly? He texted me numerous questions (all of which I was sure I had previously answered… but whatever…) and ended the texting with knowing of someone who is looking for a place. The kicker… it’s a dude. Do I worry about living with a guy? Eh… I mean, if he’s neat, not gross and not weird, I should be fine. Although I did send this text: “It would also have to be a dude who didn’t want me…haha.” AT replied: “Well… not wanting you… that might be tough…” He definitely has his charming moments…

 

3. I keep having kind of strange dreams… the kind where you wake up and you think “Huh?!” I will be putting a legal pad and pen by my bed to write the details down. I think it could be important.

 

4. I do not like Unofficial today… why? Because I’m not getting anything I want today. Tomorrow and Monday are my nights off (as per usual) and he has yet to try and make plans with me… this isthe first time since the beginning that he hasn’t at least TRIED to make plans… And… I think I’m starting to miss him… We aren’t talking as much either, so that’s making me miss him I think… I’m not sure if this is a good sign or a pathetic sign…

More Random Thoughts… March 29, 2008

1. My best friend from law school, let’s call her Care Bear, got an offer from a firm in Philly today. She had the interview last night. My pretend law school boyfriend, Meat Head, suggested her for the position. The offer was about 3 times what she’s making now and I could not be happier for her! I’m just so proud!! The best thing about this: She moves to Philly and I take a trip every other month to visit!! The flights from Providence (quick drive from me) to Philly are RIDICULOUSLY cheap!!! YAY!!

 

2. Unofficial (maybe no he doesn’t need a new name, right?) texted me tonight. It went something like this “Just a friendly hello. You are probably at work. I hope you are well and the drive home the other night wasn’t too hard. I’m sorry about how things turned out.” I, of course, read this to mean: Things are over. So I sent him one back: “It was fine. Your message makes it sound like we completely ended things. I was under the impression we hadn’t.” Him: “We have not.” And then some other texts back and forth. It was nice to hear from him and to have him confirm that things aren’t over. I was worried that he would decide to back off even more than we had discussed because he felt guilty about hurting me. I kind of miss him already. We usually have plans for my nights off by this time in the week… it’s weird not having those set…

 

3. At work a week or so ago I won a contest. I almost always win the contests at work. You may be asking yourself, what kind of contests do servers have? Well, we have lots. Usually they are selling contests… sell the most –blank– and win –blank–. I am very good at these types of contests. The prizes are either a bottle of booze or food. Before the new year I won a fillet dinner. *YUM* About 3 months ago I won a bottle of Absolut 100. I have yet to open it. HAHA. Last weekend I won a bottle of Smirnoff White Grape. Tonight, I learned to make a White Grape Cosmo! Fantastic!!

 

4. I am starting to wonder how long this no sex thing is going to last for me. It’s been since Saturday… and I’m struggling. I think I may be part man when it comes to my sexual appetite… Maybe I’ll at least make out with Work Crush tomorrow night… haha. Ok, doubtful… but I like to keep the hope alive…

 

5. It rained lightly tonight, or must have because the ground was wet when I left work, and it smelled like spring… I LOVE the smell of spring rain!!!

Ex Talk, Real Estate Nonsense and MHG March 28, 2008

1. I should not be allowed to call Athletic Trainer after the hour of 11 p.m. Nothing good ever occurs. We are trying to be friends, I guess, but more often than not we end up in a fight. By fight, I mean that he gets annoyed with me and I get pissed that he’s annoyed. How is it that I am constantly putting myself in a position for him to make me feel like crap? Less and less does it really affect me, but it’s there nonetheless.

 

2. Tuesday I made an appointment with a real estate agent, named Eric, to look at a place in Brighton which was real cheap. The M-th-r F-ck-r never showed up!!! Last week, I had an appointment with Mark to look at a place in Southie. He showed up without calling 45 minutes late. It is slowly looking like my real estate life is far worse than my dating life. Maybe this is a good thing?

 

3. Seriously, though, I need a place to live. I have less than 5 weeks to be out. F!!!

 

4. There is a regular at the restaurant who I love to look at. I call him MHG or Married Hot Guy. He is, indeed, married and possibly has children. Rumor has it he likes to play a lot. He’s been known to screw around with various servers, bartenders, cougars, whomever at the multitude of restaurants and bars in the area. He likes me. Tonight he got mad that I wasn’t talking to him enough. So, I went over and chatted with him a bit. MHG was tipsy and I was not too excited with the idea of him driving home. I tried to get the hostess to stop him while I went to his friend Jon to tell him that MHG shouldn’t drive. Jon said I should drive MHG home. Because that’s a good idea…

The Outcome And Other Random Thoughts Of The Day… March 27, 2008

1. This is all I will say about the discussion I had with Unofficial (new name coming soon… maybe…). The outcome of it is this: We will continue to date however we are going to “take a step back and try to start over.” I’m not dumb and neither is he. No one can ever REALLY “start over.” I do think, though, that we can manage to push pause and start back up slowly. I will probably try to date others (or just make out with Work Crush… see #3). Sex is off the table until he’s ready for something committed. It’s a non-negotiable at this point with me. I think it’s a good thing. We will go on dates and see if that connection really is there without the sex stuff getting in the way. In the end, we will find out if we really are going to work. Neither of us want to end things and I would hate myself for not trying.

 

2. One of the women bartenders I work with said something that struck a cord with me. I walked in on a conversation she was having with one of the crazies I work with, so this had nothing to do with me, but it made me think. “I would rather regret the things I did as opposed to those I did not do.” I would rather regret trying things with Unofficial and have it not work out as opposed to walking away and never knowing.

 

3. Aaaah… Work Crush… We’ve been engaging in quite a bit of flirtation as of late and the timing could not be any better for me. I asked if he wanted to go get a drink with me last night, figuring I would need one after my conversation with Unofficial. Let me say that I have never really thought WC was interested in me until very recently. It became clear to me last night that he, indeed, is interested. Sadly, timing for him is not fantastic as he is trying to work things out with his awful (ok, maybe not … who knows) girlfriend. Knowing him, however, we’ll be making out before long. Let’s not discuss how infatuated with the idea of doing that I am. And I no longer feel guilty about it due to #1 above. Something to look forward to…

 

4. Baseball season has begun!! I cannot begin to explain how excited this makes me! Once I’m closer to Boston, I’ll be even more psyched! GO RED SOX!!!

 

5. Athletic Trainer and I have been texting and sometimes talking on the phone. The talking on the phone is usually only when I am drunk and bored. For some reason, I will call him and not Unofficial. Maybe it’s because I’m hiding the “crazy” from Unofficial and I don’t give a shit about what AT thinks. He has told me that he now thinks he wants kids. My exact response: “Are you fucking kidding me with this bullshit?!?!?!” As I may or may not have mentioned previously, that was kind of a big thing for me… he had always said he didn’t want kids. Why is it that the minute I take myself out of the equation, the men morph into exactly what I want? OK, he’s not exactly what I want because he’s still him with his issues… but you get my point.

 

6. Unofficial bought me a beautiful leather bag for my birthday. It’s a Fossil Executive Tote. I am in love with it. Can you see my problem with letting him get away? He bought this for me because of his unfailing belief that I have passed the MA bar and will need such a bag for work. This is my first gift from a man I have been involved with. No, I am not kidding. Yes, I am aware of how sad that is. Let me just love it…

 

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