Athletic Trainer, Birthday Dinner, and Celtics Envy May 14, 2008

1. Athletic Trainer and I have been fighting all night. Our fight has been through text, as all mature adult arguments should be. What are we fighting about? Him meeting with his other ex who has basically been one of the biggest problems between he and I. He perpetually puts her first. Tonight we were discussing getting together and instead he met up with her. It is a good reminder as to why we don’t work.

 

2. Last night’s dinner for Irish Teacher’s birthday was OK. The restaurant was not fantastic, although I had previously heard otherwise. My steak was overcooked. When they brought me a new one, it looked like a salsbury steak you would get in a microwave meal. Not appealing.

 

3. In addition to a bad steak, I realized how much I hate going to dinner with groups of people who are NOT restaurant people. They are all cheap. My meal was taken off the check and I still put in almost $80. I had a martini and a glass of wine, tuna tartar and a creme brulee. Seriously!?

 

4. Unofficial Boyfriend is at the Celtics v Cavaliers game in Boston tonight. I told him we’re in a fight. HAHA.

 

Work, Dreams, Hockey Player, Apprehension, And Unofficial May 12, 2008

1. I have been MIA… sorry. The thing is, I probably just worked a 70 hour week… AT A RESTAURANT. Most of those hours came between Wednesday and yesterday, though. So, I have not had a chance to write. I will try and be better at that in the future.

 

2. Sometimes I have strange dreams. Ofttimes I can remember them. Last night I had a weird lesbian dream. I have no idea where that came from. THEN I had a dream about Hockey Player.

 

3. Now that I think of it, I have not written about Hockey Player. Let’s just say that he and I had a “thing” for a while in college and during Athletic Trainer and I’s first year. HP is a year or 2 younger than me and gorgeous. He’s a pretty nice kid too. Anyway, there was a massive blowout when he found out about AT and I. This was due in part to the fact that AT had worked on HP many times. HP KNOWS AT. He was ridiculously upset and caused a riff between AT and I for some time too. So… HP has been in my head lately. He got engaged in January (maybe December?) to the girl he had been dating on and off in college (he and I = during off times). I hardly ever think about him but I have been a LOT in the last couple of weeks. During the dream, he and his now fiancee were at my restaurant, and I had to walk past them like a million times. I was trying to ignore them (they were not my table) and not make eye contact. HP’s fiancee at one point called me over and basically just made a fool of me. I could not make a scene so I just walked away. I felt embarrassed, humiliated and jealous as all get out. I did not enjoy this dream. HP looked sexy as ever though… semi-pro hockey must be doing that boy some good.

 

3. Speaking of HP and his fiancee, having moved to Boston, I am now concerned that I will run into them or any one of the other people from college with whom I do not have a good relationship. There are quite a few people who I don’t like and vice versa from that era in my life. Most live around Boston. I can only imagine a night out drunk and bumping into someone at a bar. Ugh. Why this matters? Not sure. I get that same feeling when Unofficial and I go out and we’re in an area AT might be. I cannot even begin to fathom the awkwardness of that. I hope it never happens. I am not sure how I would react either. In fact, the thought of this chance encounter makes me ill.

 

4. After this past week of work, I’m burned out even more than I have been in the past. I took tomorrow night off for Irish Teacher’s birthday dinner. I have told Unofficial that I have tomorrow off. We only spoke for a few minutes over the last couple of days due to my crazy schedule. When we speak later I expect that he may try and make plans for either tonight or tomorrow. My response to a tomorrow night plan shall be “Oh.. I have a umm dinner… ” and if he asks with who “A… friend…” There will be not other details given to him. I know, shady… but that’s what he gets. Haha. He’s still seeing someone else (not as regularly or frequently as me and they definitely have not had “the talk” so it seems to be more casual than he and I) so let’s see how he feels about the possibility of me dating others.

 

5. Funny, though, because I took Friday night off as well. Friday’s have not been good at the restaurant so I felt pretty OK giving that shift to someone else. Unofficial is aware of my night off and I am pretty sure we’re going to make it a date night. We haven’t had a regular weekend night to go out in a long time. I think it will be fun!

 

An Update for Jennie (And Everyone Else, Of Course)… May 5, 2008

The letter did not come today. Argh. Stupid mail forwarding by the United States Postal Service. My hope is that it will come tomorrow. Hell, it can come next year, as long as I eventually get it. The Mass Board of Bar Examiners *should* be posting results online any day now. I’m thinking tomorrow for that as well. Who knows.

 

I’m headed over to Unofficial’s in a few minutes. We are cooking out tonight. He had jury duty today and got picked! Poor thing. He’s going to be involved in some trial for the next week. This puts him in a crunch with his job. He’ll have to go to trial during the day and then work at night. At lunch he called me and said that I should be a DA. I made a comment like “awww are seeing the attorneys making you think about me?” His response was that he’d been thinking about me anyway for many other reasons.

 

So. Cute.

 

*Le Sigh*

Other People’s Results, New Place New Roomie, Lots Of Unofficial, Loans and My Little Monster May 3, 2008

1. Congrats to all of my colleagues who have received their letters and passed the MA bar!! My sympathies to those who did not and, as I’ve stated, please let me know if there’s anything I can do. As for myself… I’m still not typing what I know until the letter arrives. For some reason I feel like it will reverse the results mid-mailing if I do so prior to getting hard proof. I am very excited, nonetheless.

 

2. I have been doing a good job of unpacking and getting everything pretty settled at the new place this week. Roomie and her kitty cat move in today, any moment really. I just swiffered the floors and I’m waiting for them to get here. I have to leave mid-afternoon to head to the restaurant, so I hope they get here soon. I’d like to be here for at least a little bit when she first gets here.

 

3. Unofficial has been so cute lately. He spent my first night in the new place with me, which was great. Then, on Thursday night he came over again. The story is funny though. He had a dinner with his little brother from BigBro/BigSis. It was some awards dinner from the BB/BS organization. I was at work. Surprisingly, it got busy for me there so I didn’t leave until about 10 pm. Unofficial and I had tentatively planned on him coming over, nothing firm though. So, I called him when I left work:

 

Me: Where are ya?

 

Unofficial: I’m at [Irish Bar]

 

Me: Where’s that?

 

Unofficial: Across from where you live.

 

How flippin’ cute! He was waiting for me. I raced home, threw on some jeans and met him at the bar. There was some sort of Irish jam session going on. It was fun. He stayed the night and it was nice. I like when he stays with me at the new place. I just like him. Period.

 

 

4. I almost threw up in my mouth yesterday when I realized that my loans come due soon. Sallie Mae was telling me that my private loans were going to be due at $908/month starting in June and my federal at $485/month. WHAAAAAT!? I’m currently waitressing. This does not look good. Haha. I called and my private will be at 780-something and my fed may go down to $60. This is only temporarily, of course, but seriously… anything helps. I better find an attorney position ASAP.

 

5. Tonight I have to work. It’s Saturday. Somehow this always surprises Unofficial. Why, I’m not sure. I met him while I was at work on a Saturday night. My schedule hasn’t changed in the 4+ months we’ve been dating. He’s an odd one sometimes. Anywho… He’s going out with a bunch of people tonight and told me to text or call when I get out of work. He loves me. OK, maybe not yet, but he’s sooo heading down that path. Hahaha. I have 2 different outfits all ready for me to change into when I get home from work (if it’s not too late) so that I can meet him and his friends out. Also, we have a date on Monday. Yay!!!!

 

6. Simon is being obnoxious lately. Absolutely 100% obnoxious when I’m sleeping. Much like my friend Random claims that Little Filthy is a Monster, I’ve taken to calling Simon a “little monster” when he wakes me up. How do I get him to STOP messing with the blinds when I’m sleeping??? HELP! It’s the WORST sound ever!

Tired Ramblings On A Tuesday Night… April 29, 2008

1. I like all of the attention I’m getting on here lately. Today (Tuesday) I had over 400 hits!! Seriously!? That’s pretty f’in cool. Granted, I’m sure this will all end once the MA bar results are out and everyone isn’t googling for their sanity. Whatever. I’ll take what I can get! Hopefully some of these new readers stick around.

 

2. The email that I sent to Unofficial earlier was responded to via voicemail. I was at work when he called, and he was just calling to say “Hi” and he apologized for not calling and then said twice to give him “a ring.” It’s funny to me that he apologized for not calling. I just saw him yesterday morning. We rarely talk every day. And twice telling me to call him is cute too. We spoke a bit ago and it was just like “how was your day… etc” chat but nice and I gave him advice on something he’s doing tomorrow and helped him to figure out that he doesn’t have jury duty. He was quite grateful. I think… *think*… that we are definitely progressing. Maybe this means that my being scared is all for naught and that he’s getting there sooner than I thought. I don’t want to get my hopes up though. We talked about doing something either Sunday or Monday (my nights off) and then I said if he wanted to come over after work to let me know. I also told him that I was going to try and give him more space so I don’t distract him from work. He didn’t sound as though he liked that idea. I enjoyed hearing that.

 

3. I’m feeling less and less into Work Crush lately. He kind of bores me now. All this build up and then nothing happens. It’s not worth the effort and, quite frankly, I wouldn’t give up what I have with Unofficial right now for anyone.

 

4. The past week I’ve been up pretty early each day. OK, early for me… so like 9ish. This was mostly due to the move. Today I slept in until 11:00. It was like heaven. AND, I could easily have gotten up earlier but forced myself to sleep a little more knowing how deprived I’ve been. I *think* I may have myself on a normal person sleep schedule almost! This would be great.

 

5. I told Unofficial about how there’s an epidemic at my work. Everyone is getting pregnant. (OK, like 3 people, but still…) He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “You’re on the pill, right?” I laughed. He looked so scared. We both take the precautions necessary for me to not get pregnant, it was funny that he was worried for a second. After I laughed I said something like “Please, it wouldn’t happen don’t worry.” His response, “Fucking knock on something wood!” HAHA. I like him. A lot.

 

Comcast, First Night Alone, Unpacking, Email Booty Call, Cupcakes and Suspense April 29, 2008

1. The comcast dude came by yesterday morning to install our cable and internet. He had to go into the basement to drill some holes in order for us to get tv in our bedrooms. This meant that he had to go out my back door and down the creepy stairs that I’ve never been down. When he was finished, he said that he had locked the door. Do you think he really did? No. Jerk. I realized this at 3 a.m. when I got freaked out by some noises and went to check all the doors. I should complain.

 

2. Speaking of my first night alone in the new place… it was creepy. The apartment is pretty large so with just me it feels kind of scary. I kept hearing noises as different points in the evening and it was freaking me out. Guess what the noise was. Rain. Yup. Rain hitting my windows. I think I need to start taking Adivan before bed. Simon doesn’t help matters because he causes a ruckus all over the place too.

 

3. I got a lot of my unpacking done yesterday. There’s still a whole bunch left to do. I wish I could snap my fingers and everything would be put away. Let’s try it now. *SNAP* Nope, boxes still everywhere. Damn it.

 

4. Unofficial got an email from me today. He has yet to respond. Basically it said that I know he’s going to be super busy with work and I don’t want to pester him at all. So, if he wants to come over after I get out of work any time this week he should text me or something when he so desires. I said that I won’t be texting him as I usually would when bored at work because of how busy he is. It puts the ball in his court and makes it seem like I’m doing it for his benefit. Really, I’m doing it so that I can see how long he can go without seeing me. Stupid games.

 

5. I think I am going to make cupcakes sometime this week. Maybe I’ll do that on Friday so that when Roomie gets here on Saturday she has something to munch on. I’m going to be a fantastic roommate, much like how amazing I am at being an almost-girlfriend. Hahah.

 

6. There is something I want to talk about on here… but I can’t yet… ugh. Soon. It’s big though. And when I can talk about it… believe you me there will be quite the entry!

Real Life “The Bachelor?” April 28, 2008

I was watching TV this evening, trying to decompress from all the unpacking I did, and I flip over to “The Bachelor.” Let it be known that I have yet to see an episode of this season’s nonsense. There was nothing else that looked remotely interesting so I decided to see what this season’s crew is all about.

 

Surprisingly, the season is almost over and there were just 3 (now 2) ladies left. I’m not even going to get into the whole British accent thing… it drives me nuts and not in a good way. Anywho… one of the girls was having a hard time opening up to the Bachelor guy. She made some very interesting comment though when speaking to the camera. Her trouble opening up to him and being able to have a good time with him was due to the fact that there are other women in his life. She stated that she was torn between her feelings regarding him being with other women and the potential of her getting hurt which arises from that situation and her genuine desire to want to be with him and have a great time.

 

She said something along the lines of “Am I going to give up being with this man who I really care for and potentially love just because of these other women right now?”

 

I kind of just sat there and thought. First of all, WOW. Something that I can relate to from “The Bachelor?!” Seriously!? Secondly, shit. That is exactly how I feel. EXACTLY. I HATE the situation and the fact that he is dating other people still (or last I knew was). However, what I hate more is what the situation does to me and how I sometimes act with him. I try and be the same as I always have been: lovable, kind, sweet, fun and a little sassy (and a whole lot of sexy). At times, though, I feel myself pulling away a bit and getting quiet or distant. I’m suspicious of him and his feelings for me because of his need to see others right now.

 

I find it hard to trust in what we have even though I try as hard as possible to be so confident and OK with things. I tell people “I’m not worried because he’s not going to find anyone else as cool as I am, as fun as I am, intelligent and just overall gets along with him as well as I do.” I also don’t think he’ll ever find someone he has as much chemistry with, or who his parents will like as much. Unfortunately, I’m not really 100% on all of that. I mean, I’m at about 82%.

 

My feelings have started to get real. I’m not quite at the “I’m in love with you” stage but I think I’m definitely headed down that path. I find myself thinking very long term and envisioning things that could be with us. It’s been a ridiculously long time since that has happened with me. Athletic Trainer and I never had a shot at long term, so those thoughts never really came up. I could never imagine AT meeting my family or hanging out with my friends. Unofficial is a completely different story.

 

For some reason this is all kind of hitting me today. Well, last night while trying to sleep and today. And it’s really scary. REALLY. SCARY. I might need to pull back a little I think. Luckily, he has a very busy couple of weeks ahead so that might be the default with us anyway. I just… I feel myself getting pulled in deeper and deeper. There are always questions in my head about where he is with all of this and I know he’s not there yet. He cares about me a lot, I know that much. But I think I need to try and not see him much for the next little bit. Pull away from the texting and calling too. I’m finding myself on shaky ground here and I need some assurance from him and this is really the only way to get that right now. See how he responds to me not being so accessible. I hate games. I’m looking at this more like self preservation.

 

Ugh. All of the self doubt just kills me. It’s the feelings that are getting stronger that is really starting to freak me out at the moment. I mean, I knew it would probably happen, I guess I was hoping they wouldn’t come on until he had “gotten there.”

 

I’m gong to need a lot of strength to do this…

Surprise Night Off, Landscaper Hotties, and D’Angelos Dude April 24, 2008

1. I got the night off tonight! Wahoo! Really, all that means is that we are so slooooow that they needed to cut people and I volunteered! New plans for the night: pack, load jeep up, drive to Dorchester, run along the beach in Southie, unload car, unpack boxes, shower, see Unofficial (I think/hope). Yay! So much better than waitressing.

 

2. There are few things better than hot firemen in uniform… Hot landscapers do qualify, however. I love this time of year because of all the hot young landscapers everywhere… and it continues until October!! Yay eye candy!

 

3. I just had the strangest experience in take-out food ever. I have a small thing for D’angelos subs. I’ve been eating them since I was an itty-bitty and I love them! So, I call them up to put in an order to go. The guy fumbles around and then asks my name.

 

Me: “Snarky.”

 

D’angelos Dude: “Excuse me?”

 

Me: “SNARKY”

 

DD: “You don’t SOUND like a Snarky.”

 

Me: “Well, my name is Snarky.”

 

DD: “Oh, ok what can I get you…”
Me: “Medium italian with lettuce, tomato, onion, extra pickles and oil and vinegar.”

 

——————-

 

I go to pick up the sandwich:

 

Me: “Hi, I’m picking up for Snarky.”
DD: “Uh… oh… uh… one sec… [seriously flustered]…”

 

DD then goes and looks at my sandwich, says to his co-worker “I don’t think you gave her enough pickles.” He then, while giving me these strange looks, gets a little container to put even more pickles in. I believe this was his way of flirting… I’m not sure though. He was weird and trying to be tough with his coworker all while giving me these looks.

 

I felt uncomfortable. Very. Uncomfortable.

Waiting Game April 23, 2008

I feel like I’m doing a lot of waiting lately. Waiting to move to a new place (Sunday!!! yay!!). Waiting for Unofficial to get his head out of his ass… err… be ready. But, most importantly, waiting for my bar results. This. F’ing. Sucks. I was all fine with the wait until this week. I’ve convinced myself that the results will come out VERY soon.

 

Because of my ability to lie to myself, I’m now in deep anxiety mode. I was scheduled for a double at work today. It’s BEAUTIFUL outside, so we weren’t too busy. I scooted out as quickly as possible and bee-lined it home. I NEEDED to check the mail. Now, mind you, I’m still in Plymouth so it’s a good 30 minute drive between the apartment and work. (Come Sunday, only 15 minutes! Yay!) Regardless, I made the drive just to check my mail.

 

I am now hating the United States Postal Service. Daily, I am disappointed. Yesterday, it was a pamphlet from some local community college (because I definitely need more school right?!). Today, it was a flier from Bed Bath & Beyond. Granted, that $5 coupon on the last page may come in handy due to this move, but seriously……. GIVE. ME. MY. RESULTS. NOW!!!

 

The anxiety, I think, is worse than right before the exam. Honestly. I was pretty crazy right before the exam, too. This is worrisome for me because if I manage to get “crazier” I think it may drive away everyone in my life. Haha. I’m already over-reacting to nothing (literally, nothing) in regards to Unofficial. He and I are *very* good right now. And, I am being crazy because he has become “linked” to someone on that site where you “link” with others and I think it’s someone else he’s dating. So, I googled her and found her facebook… etc etc. Now, nothing has changed with he and I. I just now have a face for the name… which should make me feel a little better because if I’m being catty (and of course I am) I would say that I’m prettier and a better all around package. But, that’s only if I’m being catty… I feel confident with he and I, but this over-riding anxiety makes me insane. I’m trying to be calm, cool and collected like the MSN horoscopes told me to be… hahaha

 

I’ll write about Marathon Monday later. I just needed to vent. There’s been some serious action on this blog the last few days. Lots of visitors and some who are even searching for “bar results snarky runner” and the like. Very cool. You know, you can leave comments too! hahaha.

Marathon Monday Eve… April 20, 2008

1. Today we signed the lease! Wahoo! I feel a lot more comfortable having it all settled. AND the landlord was there with her “handy-man” (who, I believe, is very “handy” for her in other ways as well, from the sense of things…). We went through the entire apartment and spoke about the things that need to be done in the next week. They both say it will all get done in time! Yay!! I brought over more stuff as well. SLOWLY the Plymouth apartment is starting to empty out. I’m feeling pretty good about this move…

 

2. Marathon Monday is tomorrow!!! This is a great day in the city of Boston and I get to be there for the first time ever!! The plan is to meet up with Fake Big Sis on our street and then to go to a place called Vox Populi. Apparently it is on Boylston Street where the finish line is! So cool!! Well, it better be… I mean, it was $40/ticket for the cover charge… We are planning on being there at 10:30 a.m. I have no idea what it’s going to be like but I’m super excited!!

 

3. Unofficial and I have tentative plans for tomorrow night. He better come through. I’m missing his cute face and snuggly-ness.