Lazy Sunday, Hide-and-Seek and Look-A-Likes March 31, 2008

1. I am finding this new way of blogging to be very helpful for me. Thanks, Random!

 

2. Today, I sat around and did, literally, nothing. Well, maybe not nothing. I did go and get a sandwich and newspaper. I then came back and sat on my couch all afternoon watching movies. I managed to get through the newspaper and I checked Craig’s List like 30 times for apartment listings. I’ve become compulsive about it. Other than that, I did not do a single productive thing. I love Sunday’s!

 

3. Speaking of Craig’s List… I posted a housing wanted ad this evening. Maybe I’ll get some good responses. Who knows… can’t hurt, right? The countdown is really on now for when I need to be out.

 

4. I bought a new lip gloss the other day and have not seen it since I brought it home. I had it sitting on the couch and Simon began playing with it… batting it around on the floor and such. He has hid it from me. The one good thing about moving… I should find all of the things this cat has deemed necessary to hide from me.

 

5. One of the random online things I do is check The Knot. Today I typed in one of my best friend’s name because she has recently become engaged. I did not really think she would have a page yet, as it’s been just a week. Well, she was there… and her wedding date on the page? SEPTEMBER 9, 2008!!! WHAT!? Obviously, I called her immediately to see what the deal is. I guess they are really thinking of doing it that quickly… crazy!!

 

6. Lately, I’ve been getting the “you look like this girl….” from almost every table or group of people I meet. Apparently, I have a very “familiar” look. It is interesting to me. I used to get that I look like these women:

 

MySpace Layouts Sandra Bullock

 

Bridget Moynahan

 

And very rarely…

 

Julia

Jealousy, Roommate finder?, Dreams and Disliking Unofficial March 30, 2008

1. As I mentioned yesterday, I am so excited for Care Bear to have received the offer she did for a new attorney position in Philly. I think, though, that it has had a bad affect on me at work this evening. The last week or so at work have, well, sucked. The money is not like it usually is. Fun Manager said tonight that it could be the way I am at tables… I tried to explain that my tips are still the same… I’m just not getting the tables… I mean I’m making 20% on the tables and selling a good deal but I get shit for tables. Anyway… tonight… I walked (after tipping out the bar, the food runners and the bussers) with less than $200. This should not be happening!!! And, with CB getting the offer she did, it makes me very jealous. Not in a bad way, of course, as I can really truly only be happy for her. However, I hate that I’m basically working my ass off for shit. I want her offer and her job right now. Too bad I need to pass the bar and/or move to Philly for that to happen. UGH!

 

2. Athletic Trainer may have found someone for me to live with? Possibly? He texted me numerous questions (all of which I was sure I had previously answered… but whatever…) and ended the texting with knowing of someone who is looking for a place. The kicker… it’s a dude. Do I worry about living with a guy? Eh… I mean, if he’s neat, not gross and not weird, I should be fine. Although I did send this text: “It would also have to be a dude who didn’t want me…haha.” AT replied: “Well… not wanting you… that might be tough…” He definitely has his charming moments…

 

3. I keep having kind of strange dreams… the kind where you wake up and you think “Huh?!” I will be putting a legal pad and pen by my bed to write the details down. I think it could be important.

 

4. I do not like Unofficial today… why? Because I’m not getting anything I want today. Tomorrow and Monday are my nights off (as per usual) and he has yet to try and make plans with me… this isthe first time since the beginning that he hasn’t at least TRIED to make plans… And… I think I’m starting to miss him… We aren’t talking as much either, so that’s making me miss him I think… I’m not sure if this is a good sign or a pathetic sign…

More Random Thoughts… March 29, 2008

1. My best friend from law school, let’s call her Care Bear, got an offer from a firm in Philly today. She had the interview last night. My pretend law school boyfriend, Meat Head, suggested her for the position. The offer was about 3 times what she’s making now and I could not be happier for her! I’m just so proud!! The best thing about this: She moves to Philly and I take a trip every other month to visit!! The flights from Providence (quick drive from me) to Philly are RIDICULOUSLY cheap!!! YAY!!

 

2. Unofficial (maybe no he doesn’t need a new name, right?) texted me tonight. It went something like this “Just a friendly hello. You are probably at work. I hope you are well and the drive home the other night wasn’t too hard. I’m sorry about how things turned out.” I, of course, read this to mean: Things are over. So I sent him one back: “It was fine. Your message makes it sound like we completely ended things. I was under the impression we hadn’t.” Him: “We have not.” And then some other texts back and forth. It was nice to hear from him and to have him confirm that things aren’t over. I was worried that he would decide to back off even more than we had discussed because he felt guilty about hurting me. I kind of miss him already. We usually have plans for my nights off by this time in the week… it’s weird not having those set…

 

3. At work a week or so ago I won a contest. I almost always win the contests at work. You may be asking yourself, what kind of contests do servers have? Well, we have lots. Usually they are selling contests… sell the most –blank– and win –blank–. I am very good at these types of contests. The prizes are either a bottle of booze or food. Before the new year I won a fillet dinner. *YUM* About 3 months ago I won a bottle of Absolut 100. I have yet to open it. HAHA. Last weekend I won a bottle of Smirnoff White Grape. Tonight, I learned to make a White Grape Cosmo! Fantastic!!

 

4. I am starting to wonder how long this no sex thing is going to last for me. It’s been since Saturday… and I’m struggling. I think I may be part man when it comes to my sexual appetite… Maybe I’ll at least make out with Work Crush tomorrow night… haha. Ok, doubtful… but I like to keep the hope alive…

 

5. It rained lightly tonight, or must have because the ground was wet when I left work, and it smelled like spring… I LOVE the smell of spring rain!!!

Ex Talk, Real Estate Nonsense and MHG March 28, 2008

1. I should not be allowed to call Athletic Trainer after the hour of 11 p.m. Nothing good ever occurs. We are trying to be friends, I guess, but more often than not we end up in a fight. By fight, I mean that he gets annoyed with me and I get pissed that he’s annoyed. How is it that I am constantly putting myself in a position for him to make me feel like crap? Less and less does it really affect me, but it’s there nonetheless.

 

2. Tuesday I made an appointment with a real estate agent, named Eric, to look at a place in Brighton which was real cheap. The M-th-r F-ck-r never showed up!!! Last week, I had an appointment with Mark to look at a place in Southie. He showed up without calling 45 minutes late. It is slowly looking like my real estate life is far worse than my dating life. Maybe this is a good thing?

 

3. Seriously, though, I need a place to live. I have less than 5 weeks to be out. F!!!

 

4. There is a regular at the restaurant who I love to look at. I call him MHG or Married Hot Guy. He is, indeed, married and possibly has children. Rumor has it he likes to play a lot. He’s been known to screw around with various servers, bartenders, cougars, whomever at the multitude of restaurants and bars in the area. He likes me. Tonight he got mad that I wasn’t talking to him enough. So, I went over and chatted with him a bit. MHG was tipsy and I was not too excited with the idea of him driving home. I tried to get the hostess to stop him while I went to his friend Jon to tell him that MHG shouldn’t drive. Jon said I should drive MHG home. Because that’s a good idea…

The Outcome And Other Random Thoughts Of The Day… March 27, 2008

1. This is all I will say about the discussion I had with Unofficial (new name coming soon… maybe…). The outcome of it is this: We will continue to date however we are going to “take a step back and try to start over.” I’m not dumb and neither is he. No one can ever REALLY “start over.” I do think, though, that we can manage to push pause and start back up slowly. I will probably try to date others (or just make out with Work Crush… see #3). Sex is off the table until he’s ready for something committed. It’s a non-negotiable at this point with me. I think it’s a good thing. We will go on dates and see if that connection really is there without the sex stuff getting in the way. In the end, we will find out if we really are going to work. Neither of us want to end things and I would hate myself for not trying.

 

2. One of the women bartenders I work with said something that struck a cord with me. I walked in on a conversation she was having with one of the crazies I work with, so this had nothing to do with me, but it made me think. “I would rather regret the things I did as opposed to those I did not do.” I would rather regret trying things with Unofficial and have it not work out as opposed to walking away and never knowing.

 

3. Aaaah… Work Crush… We’ve been engaging in quite a bit of flirtation as of late and the timing could not be any better for me. I asked if he wanted to go get a drink with me last night, figuring I would need one after my conversation with Unofficial. Let me say that I have never really thought WC was interested in me until very recently. It became clear to me last night that he, indeed, is interested. Sadly, timing for him is not fantastic as he is trying to work things out with his awful (ok, maybe not … who knows) girlfriend. Knowing him, however, we’ll be making out before long. Let’s not discuss how infatuated with the idea of doing that I am. And I no longer feel guilty about it due to #1 above. Something to look forward to…

 

4. Baseball season has begun!! I cannot begin to explain how excited this makes me! Once I’m closer to Boston, I’ll be even more psyched! GO RED SOX!!!

 

5. Athletic Trainer and I have been texting and sometimes talking on the phone. The talking on the phone is usually only when I am drunk and bored. For some reason, I will call him and not Unofficial. Maybe it’s because I’m hiding the “crazy” from Unofficial and I don’t give a shit about what AT thinks. He has told me that he now thinks he wants kids. My exact response: “Are you fucking kidding me with this bullshit?!?!?!” As I may or may not have mentioned previously, that was kind of a big thing for me… he had always said he didn’t want kids. Why is it that the minute I take myself out of the equation, the men morph into exactly what I want? OK, he’s not exactly what I want because he’s still him with his issues… but you get my point.

 

6. Unofficial bought me a beautiful leather bag for my birthday. It’s a Fossil Executive Tote. I am in love with it. Can you see my problem with letting him get away? He bought this for me because of his unfailing belief that I have passed the MA bar and will need such a bag for work. This is my first gift from a man I have been involved with. No, I am not kidding. Yes, I am aware of how sad that is. Let me just love it…

 

Redefining a Relationship March 24, 2008

“The Talk” is often one of the most uncomfortable and anxiety ridden moments in a relationship. If both parties are not on the same page, then there really is no good outcome.

 

Enter me and Unofficial. My birthday was Saturday and we had plans to go out. Everything was great. I showed up at his place and he had a gift waiting for me!! Never before has someone I’ve been involved with bought me a gift. I was shocked and pleased and just smitten. We had some bubbly and got ready for our dinner out.

 

Dinner was phenomenal… until the end. I must have made some sort of comment about how I hoped we were at the point where neither of us wanted to see other people. His response: “We should talk about that.” SERIOUSLY! So, we did… a little. I was shell shocked, to say the least. Apparently, Unofficial (and I guess I should rename him now, huh?) is dating other people. How many, I’m not sure. For how long, no clue. I got all of the praise any girl would ever want to hear “You’re amazing,” “I really like you,” “I want to continue things with you,” “You’re beautiful and funny and sexy.” We didn’t talk for too long about it and he was very calm. I, on the other hand, was going out of my head with thoughts.

 

Plans had been made to meet his friends out, so that’s what we did. I tried not to think about the conversation which had just happened. His friend’s girlfriend asked me if we had “vacation plans yet.” Unofficial did not hear this nor see my obviously uncomfortable reaction. All I could say was “we’re not quite there yet.” How does one react? I mean, his friends’ girlfriends think we’re a couple… which I guess we are… just not exclusive?…..

 

The entire night was pretty good but for the conversation. Yesterday was awkward at best. I was feeling blind-sided and sad. How could I have misread the situation? Why had he not said something previously? How the hell is this supposed to work? Was that girl he went to a basketball game with recently, a “friend,” actually a date? (Yes.)

 

We talked a little on the phone during my drive home, but I had not fully processed it all. I feel like a drama queen but this is a big deal for me. We’ve been dating for quite a few months now and I was sure that we were at that point. I know he’s gun-shy or hesitant to rush into something serious because of his divorce but really!? Some time yesterday I got myself so frustrated with all of the questions running through my mind that I made plans with him for tomorrow night so that we can talk.

 

And so it is now… I keep thinking about this situation and the questions just keep on coming. With each new question comes a different dilemma. Is he sleeping with anyone else? –> If the answer is yes, I’m out. If the answer is no, do I still continue sleeping with him even though he’s dating others? How long as he been dating these other women? Are there many or is there just like one other he continually sees? What does this mean for us in terms of our getting together? Am I supposed to stop trying to meet up with him after work if I get out early? Am I supposed to pretend not to notice that he’s busy with some cryptic plans which probably means he’s with another one?

 

There’s just too much to try and figure out alone. I’m glad that we are having this talk tomorrow although I cannot even try to predict the outcome. I don’t want to stop seeing him at all… but I’m not feeling very safe with him and my emotions. I REALLY like him. What happens if I fall for him and he’s STILL seeing other people?

 

Any suggestions on how to deal? Ever been in this type of situation? Help a girl out here!

Wickity Wickity Whack… March 19, 2008

1. I’m using numbered paragraphs a la Random … deal with it.

 

2. I like living alone. The housing search has gotten easy and yet more complicated. I met a girl about a roommate situation and she was super cool, we hung out a lot. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I can deal with a roommate… not matter how cool. I’m so used to living alone… this may be my downfall in finding a place (not that I have a choice given my lease terms).

 

3. While I do not believe in dating people I work with, I DO have a work crush. I’d call him my work boyfriend, but we may not be there yet. haha. I’ve had said work crush for a while now, but it seems as though it’s more mutual as of late. I’m a good girl and would NEVER act on anything because 1) Unofficial boyfriend may soon become Official… and I like that; and 2) Work crush has a girlfriend. It does make going to work more fun, however. Plus, who else will go out with me for a drink the night before my b-day this weekend? Obviously work crush will!

 

4. I’m getting excited for my bar results. Not only will I be an attorney, but I have learned today that I will still be able to supplement whatever attorney position income I get with my waitressing. Usually, at my restaurant, you must work a certain number of shifts a week. It’s mandatory at this place. Recently, however, one of our managers has decided to hire strictly “function” servers. These would be people to work whatever functions are scheduled and nothing more. FANTASTIC. As long as that Manager says it’s OK, I will be able to be an attorney working however many hours AND once a week or so pick up a shift and get a few hundred extra! Wahoo!

 

5. My birthday is Saturday. Unofficial is taking me to the Top of the Hub. I have never been there. I’m excited and will be wearing a red dress. Yes. Red. Dress. Love it!

 

6. Friends who live in and around Boston are coming out of the wood work. People are finding out that I’m moving there and are psyched. I, personally, cannot wait either.

Unofficial, Work Surprise, and Potential New Home? March 15, 2008

So I love that people are now reading this, not that I find my life all that interesting. Hopefully that means you all do! Haha.

 

My concerns were, of course, unwarranted yesterday. In almost all situations, those concerns are unwarranted. It’s just the “crazy girl” who comes out and gets worried. Crazy girl goes away real quick, though. Thank God. The crazy girl part of me is slooooooowly dying… hallelujah!! Unofficial just does things that make me so happy and giggly. Take yesterday for example. I’m at work. I’m bored. I am worried about him sounding all “meh” on that voicemail. And then he texts me saying we should meet for dessert. We did and then he stayed here. It’s silly and we didn’t do anything phenomenal for our meet up (The 99 ya’ll… hahah) but it was nice. I LIKE spending time with him… no matter what we’re doing. *SIGH*

 

I had a problem sleeping last night. People may find this funny but I sleep far better with Unofficial at his place than mine. His bed is bigger, I think that’s the main reason. At first I thought it was because he decides to sleep on the other side of the bed when he’s at my place, but I made him switch at some point last night and I still couldn’t sleep. (Holy run-on… this is why I can’t pass a bar exam!!) The other reasoning could be that his bed is more comfortable? eh… who knows. Regardless… I slept maybe an hour last night with him here. Got up when he had to leave to head home (6:30 ish) and then went back to sleep until 10:30. I got maybe a good 3 hours in… MAYBE.

 

With such little sleep, work seemed far more daunting than normal. I had to work a double again. I “volunteered” to pick up a lunch shift today. Friday’s are usually pretty good but nooooooooooooo… when I pick it up it SUCKS. Whatever. (end rant) During the dinner shift, one of the other servers came up to me randomly and said “Unofficial’s parents are at table 14 and want you to go over and say hi.” Yes, I’ve met his parents before. That’s a story for another time. Yes, they know where I work, it’s kind of where I first met Unofficial (and his mom…awwwww). Anywho… I went over and, of course, could not leave them alone for the rest of the night. His parents are just amazing. So sweet and kind and adorable. I LOVE them. I like him but LOVE his parents…hahahaha… so bad. They were with their best friends who I had previously met (by chance) at a restaurant Unofficial and I were at for our second date.

 

As I think about this, all parties at the dinner table must know how long this thing has gone on so far. And maybe it was mentioned in convo? I feel like this is a long thing for him. I mean, based on responses from his family and friends, I think I’m the longest since the divorce. It makes me all warm and fuzzy to think about… haha.

 

They were great, I didn’t wait on them technically. I mean, they were Cute Blondie’s table but I was over there at all pivotal moments. I even bought them desserts and coffees. Of course, they didn’t know this was happening. I went over, helped them decide on some desserts, got a coffee/tea order and brought everything out. When CB went to bring the check she informed them I had taken care of that part of their meals. I felt like it was the appropriate thing to do. I like knowing them and being able to do something cute. They definitely gave me some shit about him and how we met and how I gave him GREAT service but ignored his mom… hahaha. Not completely true (I gave her good service too!!) but it made me blush… (hard to do!).

 

And onto housing news…. I’ve called a few people, emailed a few people and made some appointments. I got real excited about a 2 bedroom in Dorchester that is available for like a ridiculously low rental amount. Problem: I text Unofficial with the address to see what he thinks. Background: I know basically NOTHING about where is good or bad to live in the Boston area. This is a very new adventure for me. So, I text my trusted Unofficial for his opinion because I know he wants me somewhere safe and good. His response: SnarkyRunner, that is not the best part of Dorchester. It is rare for him to do the whole NAME [comma] etc etc in a text UNLESS he’s being REAL serious and protective. So… that’s kind of sad. I’m going to check it out regardless and take a look around.

 

Tomorrow I have an “appointment” to meet with this girl in Quincy who has a 2 bedroom/2 bathroom apartment. It’s in a complex though and I’d rather live in like a multi-fam or brownstone. Also, it’s more expensive than the place I’m about to talk about would be. I’m just not sure about it.

 

Monday, I have an “appointment” to see two places. Unofficial and I have tentative plans for sushi Monday night, so I figured I’d make some appointments to see places closer to where he lives prior to dinner. So, the first appointment is another roommate situation. It’s the cheapest of my options right now. She seemed nice on the phone. I found her on myspace though, and I’m not sure if we’ll mesh. Unfortunately, she’s smart enough to be “privatized” so I can’t REALLY see anything. She appears at first glance to be “goth.” However… she was super nice on the phone, LOVES animals so having Simon was a plus for her, it’s CHEAP, and the pictures look pretty nice. Downside: not a lot of storage that we’re aware of… she has to check to see if there’s anything in the basement. More bonuses: It’s in Allston which is BASICALLY Boston(!!!), on the bus/train lines, google maps says it would be 10 minutes to get to Unofficial’s house (!!) etc.

 

After that appointment, I have one with some real estate kid (he sounded younger than me). It’s a small 1 bedroom in Brighton (again, basically Boston!!) and relatively cheap. He said it’s small and minimal though. If I’m going small, why not share right? Then I’m cutting a TON of cost if I do that… so we’ll see….

 

Lots of exciting stuff going on here! wahoo!

 

My ex texted me today. And I read Random’s blog from yesterday which got me thinking. Why do we talk to ex’s? Do you think it’s healthy? Granted, my situation is faaaaaaar different than R’s… and I’m not sure how good of terms ex and I are on (seeing as I made him talk to me for 2 hours when drunk the other night… oh yeah, I was THAT girl) but still… why do we do it?

Guilty… Or Not. March 13, 2008

And I just lost the post I had started… ugh. Let me try and re-write it…

 

I awoke to three different things this morning: 1. The birds chirping; 2. Simon being weird outside my door again; 3. Unofficial boyfriend calling. 1 and 3 made me smile, of course. 2 made me throw a pillow at the door.

 

Speaking of Unofficial, he left a message this morning (I was too sleepy to answer) and sounded unhappy. Whenever someone sounds unhappy or whatever, I feel like I did something. The likelihood that the miserableness has anything to do with me is minimal. For some reason, though, I always get a guilty feeling. This is something I’ve been trying to work on for the past couple of years. I’ve had this happen to me since growing up and I know why now… it has to do with when my dad died. The day he died I told him I wanted him to. We had gotten in a huge fight over some stupid radio thing. I told him I hated him and wished he would die. And then he did. When I found out he had died, I thought it was my fault. My mother aways poo-pooed the whole story. They were separated at the time and she had no clue. My aunt was the one who told me how I said to her I thought it was my fault on the day I found out. This explains the guilt complex, but not why it remains even though I know the truth.

 

It distresses me when this feeling creeps up on me. I have to continually talk myself down and not get “crazy.” By crazy, I just mean worried, but it’s needless worrying. The last couple of times things sounded weird with Unofficial it was about work stress that he was feeling. Obviously, I don’t announce my “I feel guilty… what did I do?” feelings. However, it did at one point make me question whether he was interested and/or seeing someone else. He was interested. He was not seeing someone else.

 

So, now, I wait for him to return my call. And then, I will assume, all will be fine. Sometimes I think it’s funny how I get with Unofficial. Things are far different with he and I than with others I’ve been “involved” with. This time I have no qualms being myself completely and letting down my guard. I like spending time with him but do not feel like I need to see him every day. It’s nice.

 

Alright, I think that’s enough of my neurosis for the day. Maybe I’ll write more after work… about something else. We’ll see. Happy Thursday all!

Baby, It’s Cold Outside… March 12, 2008

Ok, well I’m not completely sure that statement is accurate…but I’m making an educated guess based on how cold it is inside. It’s absolutely possible that I am purely cold blooded and can never really be warm, however. I don’t think I like that idea.

 

Simon (aka Cat-Dog) has been very annoying in the mornings as of late. He has taken to pawing at my bedroom door (because yes, I’m mean and don’t let him sleep with me – he moves and plays with things on my bedroom tables and the blinds…ugh!). When he’s bored with the pawing he cries. And when the crying doesn’t get him what he wants, he stands up on his little legs (again, I’m assuming since how else would he manage this feat) and grabs hold of the door knob and jangles it! I swear!! He plays with that knob anywhere from 5 minutes to like half an hour. I could take it 5 minutes before having to open the door today. Maybe he’s the best alarm clock I’ve ever had… or the most annoying cat-dog. Jury still out.

 

I now have a definite date by which I must be out of the condo. Exciting because it means the end of my long fight with this rent payment monthly. Scary because I need to find enough money to be able to move into a different place by then… ugh!

 

As you noticed, I did not end up writing about that guy who used to work for Glamour. Read about it on Jezebel if you’re all that interested. My energy is better spent on something else I’m sure.

 

I have to work a double today. It makes me happier than words can describe to think that one day soon the term “work a double” will have no meaning in my life. I know attorneys work late. I’m OK with working late. They do not, however, work doubles. This makes my day to think about.

 

My unofficial boyfriend and I have made plans for my birthday next weekend. By plans, I mean solidified that we will be doing something together. What? I’m not sure and I don’t think it matters. He makes me smile. A lot. Maybe he’ll be my official boyfriend soon. Could I sound more like a 7th grader?! Love it!!

 

I might be making some changes to my blog to help me better tell my stories. I like the way Random Esquire has his set up. The whole “cast of characters” and such is very appealing to me, especially with the multitude of characters in my life. We’ll see how much energy I exert into any changes. Haha. Go read his blog though. It’s THOROUGHLY enjoyable! I’ve become a big fan.

 

And now to go work a double… with many of the aforementioned characters. Fun times!