Clerking? January 15, 2008

So, I’ve become much more curious as of late about the idea of clerking. One of my good friends from school Clerks in PA and LOVES it. Lately, I’m worrying more about finding a job after the exam round 2. I feel like I don’t have enough good experience at all. Who cares that I’ve waitressed for over 10 years when I’m trying to apply for attorney positions? NO ONE. So… I was really up and awake super early today and hit the internet to do another search. I searched for info on MA clerkships the other day and saw that the deadline had passed. However, today I saw a new posting for the Trial Courts in the Family and Juvenile department. It looks like it is just a re-post of their typical clerking position posting because it says they have numerous positions, but maybe they do? SO… I have emailed my friend who clerks in PA for assistance with the process. Hopefully, this ends up in an interview. It would be a VERY good paying job for at least a year! WAHOO!! I’m nervous to put myself out there but I need to do it. I’m sick of waitressing and it would be nice to know that starting in Sept. I won’t have to anymore! Plus, I could find a temporary position for up until then which could lead to a position after the clerkship - wishful thinking, I know.

 

I’ve also decided that I’m going to need to move from this lovely condo (unless I get that position, and in which case I can re-think this - but it would be wise nonetheless to save $$). As much as I love it, it’s just too damn expensive. With this thought, I’ve decided to broaden my geographic preferences in life for now. Since I moved back to MA I have been very closed minded about where in MA I want to live. When I awoke super early today I had an epiphany. It doesn’t really matter WHERE I live for the next year or so. What matters is finding a job, paying off debt and trying to have money left over to have fun. So… if I’m not in SE Mass, or Boston, it might be ok still. Plus, if I move up towards Western or Central MA, I’ll be closer to some of the girls from college.

 

I think I’m finally getting my priorities straight. Although, it will be real hard to find a place with everything I’d like but that’s ok. I want it to be less than $1000/month, with off street parking, washer/dryer in unit, cats ok, and at least 1 bedroom but I’d prefer 2. What’s the likelihood that I find all of that? hahah….

 

I feel very happy with my revelations and new goals. I think this is good forward thinking.

Have a little faith in me… January 11, 2008

I was going to write solely about my little anxiety attack at work yesterday regarding the bar exam. I was going to ramble on about how on edge I am and how it’s coming out in basically all areas of my life.

 

And then I saw this week’s Grey’s Anatomy. First of all, I am so happy that this show is back from it’s break. I almost always come away from each episode with something to ponder. That was most certainly the case with tonight’s episode.

 

There was a strong message regarding faith. One of the characters suffers from not having enough faith in herself. She envies another character because of that person’s unwaivering faith in who she is as a surgeon/person. In a way, I can relate. It seems like all of my friends from law school know who they are as lawyers. Even those not from law school seem to know who they are when it comes to their professional self. Here I am, quasi-lawyer-temporary-waitress, with no clue as to who I am in the legal realm.

 

I’ve always thought that I would practice sports law. I, eventually, came to realize that while I have an interest in sports and law and their intersection - I don’t have all of the necessary qualifications to be a good sports lawyer. I know the rules of the games, I have a general understanding of the major players, but I am so behind the curve when it comes to stats and the specifics of the players.

 

My next thought has been to get into corporate/business law. The one issue with this is that in order to really get ahead in this area of law, I’d need to work for a larger firm and at this point, that won’t be happening. So where do I go from here? I’ve considered recently real estate law. In particular, maybe I’ll play with commercial real estate. I think I’d like it, but who knows. Sadly, none of this matters much without a bar passage. And I have feel so insecure and scared about this exam that it’s slowly driving me crazy.

 

And all of this talk about faith in myself leads me to the anxiety attack of yesterday. I’ve been dreading work lately because I find myself concerned with studying when I’m there. It has not been busy enough for me and I can think of a million other things I could be doing instead. During the break in between my shifts, I did some work on criminal law. I found a place that I knew no one would be in and sat there to go through my outlines. After about an hour or so the ENTIRE kitchen staff decides to sit where I am studying and talk EXTREMELY loudly. First of all, they NEVER eat there. Secondly, why be so loud?! They see me studying…

 

So, I huff off and go into yet another room for like 40 minutes. But during that time I get myself so worked up and rattled that I had a bit of a break down. I calmed myself down and put my books back in my car. While getting myself together for my night shift, I really lost it. The tears came out fast and hard. I locked myself in a stall and sat there for a minute or two. I finally regained my composure and went down to work. It was an ok night, but I wanted to get out early.

 

These little breakdowns of mine have got to stop. I was talking with one of the girls and really it seems as though I’ve lost my faith in my intellectual abilities. Unfortunately, when this happens I don’t want to think about the bar exam because it scares me too much. So, I take my faithlessness and it gets applied to the other areas of my life that are just fine. Well, ok maybe they aren’t ALL fine. I mean, I’m stressed at work because I think I officially hate it. I want nothing to do with being a waitress anymore, which in turn adds more pressure to my bar exam studying because I want so badly to change my job. I’m lonely and miss my friends from law school and college. The new guy is really the only thing that gets me excited these days. And, because I’m miserable elsewhere but don’t want to deal with any of it, it’s rubbing off on how I feel about that situation. I started stressing yesterday because I hadn’t heard from him. SERIOUSLY!?!?! Who am I?

 

Today, I’ve come to the conclusion that I must stop. Tomorrow, I am going to come up with a strict regimen/schedule for my days. I will make sure to get to the gym and do some self-work. Somehow I have managed to get Saturday through Tuesday nights off!!! I’m thinking I’ll visit one of the girls from college to get myself a little bit of more grounded. The guy will be away until Monday night, unfortunately. However, I think this is good. I need to take a step back from him a bit because I’m getting a little too into it already. I think we’ll see each other on Tuesday night.

 

So… for the others out there who are studying for these horrible exams… how’s your faith lately?

New Year’s Resolutions!! January 2, 2008

I wasn’t sure if I was going to actually *have* resolutions. But I figured, the best way to reach goals is to write them out… so I’m going to post them here…

 

1. Take a multi-vitamin each day. I am usually VERY bad about this. So, I want to try and keep it up and hopefully not get as sick as I have the past few years.

 

2. Run at least 3 times a week. This is just an obvious goal for me.

 

3. Go to the gym 3 times a week and work on strength training. I am convinced this will help with my health, and of course, my running.

 

4. Run in at least 2 races. The only way for me to think the running is really important during those days when I just want to sleep is to have something to be training for. It doesn’t have to be a marathon (this year) but maybe…

 

5. PASS THE BAR EXAM. No explanation necessary

 

6. Get my credit card debt out of the way. There’s not much, but there’s enough to cause problems.

 

7. Pay back debt to my friends. This is a very important thing for me to do.

 

8. Get a sleep schedule set. Sleep is VERY important to my mental and physical health. So, I need to get myself on some sort of regular schedule.

 

9. Try at least 1 new recipe a week. This will help in a couple areas of my life… it should help with my spending because I won’t be eating out. It will help with my domestic skills. And, health-wise, I’ll be eating better.

 

10. Smile more!

 

11. Laugh daily!

 

12. Play with Simon more!

 

13. Become a random card/letter sender for my friends and family - to help brighten their days!

 

14. GET HEALTH INSURANCE!

 

15. Budget. It’s about time I get one together, and really work on it. It should help with my saving and debt management.

 

OK! Those are them.

 

I’m also signing up for 43 Things. I think that putting together a life list will be helpful in keeping me focused on new things to do and expanding my daily repertoire.

Protected: I just get so giggly… January 1, 2008

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